whole different perspective

I'm amazed by the fact that what used to be a crippling crutch has become what I'm holding on to. I have, for the better part of 35 years, been fat my entire life. I have, all of that time, never wanted to change it for good, but rather, just change it. I have, every time, lost and gained it all back...and I have, (deep breath), always avoided acknowledging all of this...

So, imagine my surprise as I struggle with a bit of an identity crisis with the last year's events (I'll briefly recap):

• moving back to RTP
• new job that is a challenge for reasons I can't control but that the function of which I absolutely LOVE
• varner's dumb ass move of offing herself
• selling the harley
• giving birth to the most amazing kid on the planet
• oh yeah...and being on the LONGEST dry spell of my life with no end in sight b/c I never leave the damn HOUSE.

I digress, imagine my surprise this morning to wake up and realize that I'm not afraid of my weight anymore...in fact, if it had its own cognition it should fear the #$%k out of me, because I am OFFICIALLY kicking my own ass! 10% down as of today...I could cry I'm so thrilled. I never, ever in a bajillion years would have expected THIS change to be the one that sustaining me through the struggles...I never, ever would have expected to say and mean it (my bff Jeanette was the recipient of this gem), "I'm so PISSED I can't workout this week!"...holy $hit, kids! Straight up, where the hell did the lazy-ass, energy-strapped, fat girl go???

Maybe it's fueled by frustrations and anxiety, maybe it's the prescription my doctor has me on to help me 'speed myself' in my hormonally-screwed new body post baby...I don't know and (right now) don't care where it's coming from...because this $hit is KEWL. :)